I CAN WORK WITH THAT

I CAN WORK WITH THAT

September 2016

Blogs are meant to reflect one’s relationship with reality; our world as we see it, understand it and relate to it.  For the past two years I’ve periodically put down in writing my thoughts, experiences, lessons learned, missteps, successes and challenges. I chose the blog format to allow me to record my experiences, learn from them, and hopefully help my readers as we jointly face our journey in aging.   I’ve called it Adapting to Age. The timing couldn’t have been more auspicious.  I’ve had an extraordinary two year journey, facing challenges of illness, a broken heel and ankle needing surgical intervention, a car accident that involved my car accelerating and flipping over on its roof:(yes a manufacturer’s faulty system as the cause); shock trauma care for me and my passenger and the anxiety of purchasing and driving a new car.  I’ve also faced and survived an infection in my brain. 

During those two years, I persevered through the incredible support of my children, family and close friends. I also turned 75; reaching that entry into aging as an inevitable stage of life. 

Given the vicissitudes of aging, and the likelihood of future limitations, the next stage was inevitable: it no longer made sense to live alone in a three story house, with way too many stairs, unused rooms reclaimed for storage; patios and decks needing upgrades. Selling my home of almost 40 years, alone without my husband, friend, supporter and realist was a momentous undertaking.

But wait, as they say; there’s more:   moving alone for the first time since my marriage in 1961; selling a second home in Florida and currently in process of purchasing another Florida second home.  (all this in one blog sentence; weird).

My blood pressure needed constant attention, anxiety driving loss of control; my spatial memory for directions, locations of the offices of various doctors has lessened, leaving me feeling lost and even more anxious. And this was way more than the occasional, “what did I come into this room for?” or “where did I leave that piece of paper with directions on it?”  Small things, like a blister on my arch, a small basal cell cancer on my nose, shingles in spite of taking the vaccine, all gained in importance, raised my blood pressure once more, so both needed interventions with rest, other medicines, some of which interfered with current medications, leading to complex med management and often restrictions on activities.  I know you can get the picture. Or you will when you put on your bifocals. 

Just to test how well I can handle stress (yes, it does feel at times like a test); my left ear developed a fluid backup, hearing aide in left ear not at all effective, and the loss of context and meaning in conversations, watching films and plays, conducting the normal life functions (shopping, asking for directions) all slowly float out of hearing.  The most trying experience is loosing the content in conversations with friends: it adds to the anxiety, which raises blood pressure, which causes nose bleeds......ENOUGH!!!!!

The challenge, once I veered too close to emotional paralysis, was how to stop; change the tempo and tension of my days. take deep breathes and new steps.  I took an hour to survey the many books on my bookshelves; on memory and mindfulness.  What a treasure trove, and all on one shelf:  Peace in Every Step( Thich Nhat Hanh; 8 minute meditation, (Davich); the Power of Now( Eckhart Tolle); Keep your brain alive,(Lawrence Katz): Moon Walking with Einstein, (Joshua Foer).  I also spent valuable time with a therapist, testing my assumptions, taking stock of my inner and outer self’s needs, slowing down.

Using these as guides: remembering to breathe, looking for ways to improve my memory, start early planning for my next move to a new winter home in St. Petersburg all are being to help me settle into my newest self:  75, independent, managing to maintain good health, fix what doesn’t work well,( like hearing aides); exercising regularly, accepting limitations:  I CAN WORK WITH THIS.

Now, if only I could control the election, I’d sleep much more soundly!  

technology thy name is ( expletive deleted) but fun to read

INTERNET, I-PHONES, UNIVERSAL CONNECTIBILITY WORLD WIDE.

The transition generation:  unplugged, plugging in, and learning new languages.

We are the last generation who remembers a world without instant communication; (Seniors, over 65, still alive and very much kicking),  without the constant tweeting and tweeking; sending words across hemispheres.  We had to go home or to a free standing telephone “box” in the street to make contact. I remember having to actually write a letter, mail it and wait for a response!

Our home entertainment was a single, small size television screen.  Yes, a BIG change from radio only.  Most stations were filmed in black and white, and to change stories (or channels) you had to walk over to the set and twist the knob.   But there were only a few channels anyway. Remote?  What was that word? Replay? Watch one show while taping another?

I’ve teased my grandkids when I tell stories of our limited connectivity.  It gives me a chance to share with them some old letters written to me by my children (their parents) when they were away at sleep- over camp.  One from my daughter reads:  “I miss you both so much, sing me to sleep daddy!”

Today I sit at my laptop (yes, a portable typewriter, holding the memory of all things I’ve written, or downloaded, or received by E Mail); an easy to carry means of communication that allows instant connectability).  My personal cell phone, too, is by my side available for instant contact across the room, across the street, around the world!  We each have one of course, and often use it for messages to ourselves (don’t forget to pick up the milk, put out the recyclables’; pay an overdue bill). If it should go missing, or lose its battery charge, the sense of emptiness, the confusion reaching for a phone which is temporarily out of order is powerful. 

If I miss my grandkids, I can schedule time and watch them at play through an “app” (application) called face time; they can show me the latest toy they got, or an A on a school paper.  (Just now, in fact, a photo of my youngest (Nick is 6 going on adolescent) and his older sister appeared on my computer screen; they actually made a long distance visit!)

I can “sync” my calendars on my phone, computer and I Pad, and get enough “ping” sounding reminders to drive me to unplug my hearing aids at times.  Yet I use my cell phone to ask the automated voice (My newest friend Siri) to direct me to my destination, and mostly she does, and I don’t have to check maps. 

And so I’ve adapted; enjoying the chance to read a book on line; doing crossword puzzles on a screen, catching up with my friends and family.  And then it happens:  the phone fails; I leave my I pad in the meeting room of our life-long- learning program, the Academy for seniors at Eckerd College, and face a long weekend without it.  I actually had to find a book on my own bookshelves (a bit dusty, but unread).  Worst of all, earlier this year, all my electronic systems went haywire in January. For over a week I had only a land line phone and pens and paper to satisfy my needs to communicate.  Prozac anyone?   Got to go now: the cell phone is ringing, and I’ve got this blog post to proof read, print out a copy, send it off to friends, and take a shower.  No cell phones allowed.

March 25, 2016

addendum to moving and mail:

November 2025

STARTER LIST FOR MAIL TRANSFERS:

• SERVICE BILLS
• Rent/mortgage
• Equipment contracts (TV/cable/phone service/internet/ house alarm
• Home contracts ( alarm system; heating/cooling equipment/pest control/other

• FINANCIAL TRANSACTIONS
• All banks and accounts
• Critical service contacts and contracts;
• Medical contacts,( primary physician, dentist, and other specific services used
• Broker, Attorney,
• Federal/state/ private contacts for health insurance/social security/ work related pensions/ Medicare/brokerage accounts
• Payments for loans (e.g. house, car)

• FAMILY AND FRIENDS
• Good to use on line notifications here
• CURRENT SUBSCRIPTIONS:
• Magazines, newspapers, journals,
• ORGANIZATIONS YOU ENDORSE/CONTRIBUTE TO/RECEIVE NEWSLETTERS FROM

• NOTIFICATIONS ABOUT SOCIAL/CULTURAL/ENTERTAINMENT VENUES
• Theatres, museums, social/educational schedules
• Notification of community activities through flyers, annual program offerings.
• INSURERS ( health care, car, home or apartment, other major contacts
• JUNK Mail
• If you don’t use them, loose them if you can

Hope this helps.  Enjoy the transition!

MOVING AND MAIL

Moving?  Changing your address?

All right, so you have moved to a new home.  You’ve planned well, making the tough decisions about what to keep, what to donate, what to trash.  The newest key word in your lexicon is “downsizing”; and no, it’s not a new fad diet.  You’ve made hundreds of decisions ranging from what type of residence  you want to move into, what furniture, books, photograph albums, painting, pottery, clothing are for keeping, what will be discarded, donated, no longer part of your life. 

If you’re as organized as I try to be, you’ve made endless lists, planning where all your belongings will be moved, fitting into the floor plan; which kitchen shelves will house your pots and pans and dishes and spices....you know the drill.  And then you move!  And gradually settle in, and gain a sense of place so that you stop opening the wrong drawer in the kitchen and master the automatic reaching out for the light switches which invariably are in a different place.

A deep sigh....a sense of comfort, a fitting into your new home.  But wait:  the daily New York Times is not at your front door, and mail service is unusually light.  Of course!  You have notified the post office of your address change, but not the dozens of businesses, organizations, service contacts and contracts with phone companies, magazine subscriptions, invitations to parties and fundraisers for your favorite elected officials, notices of subscription renewals for magazines, theatres, concert venues... none of this mail is forwarded after the first month.  Arrugh!  If I had the presence to start monitoring the regular mail deliveries before the move, this process might have been less challenging, but we all know how easy it is to make logical plans in hindsight, so for those readers beginning this transition, a few hopefully helpful hints:  

·       Keep a pad handy where-ever you typically open the mail;

·       Check through your various subscriptions to make sure you keep receiving magazines, concert and theatre notifications from local venues, medical services (including insurance companies);

·       Use the time to decide whether you want to continue magazine subscriptions, store sales notices;

·       Decide which old friends you’ve lost touch with warrant a reconnection;

·       Use technology; this is one time when facebook can be your friend, to help you stay “friended” with others. 

And as for the junk mail, sorry but somehow they are typically the best at discovering your new abode so they can continue to fill your mailbox and trash can with their teasers:  buy this NOW AND IF YOU BUY ONE YOU CAN GET A SECOND ONE FREE!

staying connected august 13,2015

STAYING CONNECTED

Keeping in Touch with our Social Networks or:

The joys and perils of a tech-full world

Like most of us in my generation, (approximately those born between the late 1930’s through the 1960’s) rotary phones attached to kitchen walls served the purpose and need to communicate.  It was how we set dates for upcoming events; wished friends and family member’s holiday or birthday greetings; invited friends or family members over to visit, talk, enjoy a meal together. 

On rare occasions when we needed a phone while out of the house, there were usually public “phone booths”, although often they were out of service.  You could use them to change plans or check on driving directions.  We laughed as Dick Tracy checked his “wrist watch phone” or the “get smart” detective listening to instructions from his shoe. 

When television came into our houses, they stayed in place on a stand, and you walked over to the set to turn it own, change channels, (only a few back then) straighten the “bunny ears”; (metallic antennae that captured the reception) and resume watching your “shows”.  I still remember a conversation my late husband Ben had with our then 10 year old grandson, Alex.  Alex asked Ben to change the TV channel using the remote.  “Which remote?”  The table held three or four.  When that was clarified, Ben explained that as a child we had no remotes, he had no televisions.  Radios were the “in” thing, and of course, large unwieldy  RCA  Victrola record players, with records that were fragile and easy to break. 

The last few decades have seen a virtual explosion of ways to communicate, share information, be entertained, and keep in touch with friends and family.  You can buy virtually anything without leaving home; keep abreast of frightening or bizarre stories from around the world about almost anything. 

So here’s the unique position we as seniors face: with advanced and modernized prevention and treatment programs to ease the aging and illness processes we have begun to experience many more healthy and productive years as compared with our grandparents.  But we are slower to learn, and often need more coaching when faced with the inevitable:  if I want to keep in touch with my out of town grandkids, I should get used to using skype or face time for periodic visits.  Amazingly, so many of us in our seventies, eighties, and even into our nineties have learned to adapt better than we would have expected.  There is still the learning gap between simple checking of emails, and more complex “applications”. Yet with support, senior classes in the new technologies, we have amazingly added to our capacities to communicate. 

 It’s not always an easy path, but we seem to be sticking it out, learning more easily than we would have thought possible.  Ironically, our uncanny ability to multi-task and problem solve has aided us, but clearly for most of us the pace and the retention of data moving beyond the speed of light (and eye-hand coordination) catches us up.  Our   younger friends or family members may make assumptions that you actually do know how to open an email, read it and send a reply; “pull up” a calendar to check appointments, record new ones (when you figure out how to change your “preferences”;

(Does this mean I can order coffee with soy milk?).  Hearing a soft “ping” sound alerts us to a new message, but we are in the middle of driving, or just turning off the lights.  Check it out now, Wait till morning? What if it’s important?  Could I actually hear it if it did “ping”?

Little by little these light cell phones take over your life or at least “wedge themselves” in between you and those formidable memory keepers.  It’s ok if you forget an appointment; your phone (when programmed) will remind you “your battery is loosing power”; You have an appointment with Dr, X; remember to “fast” before your appointment with Dr X so you can get an accurate “fasting blood sugar” test. 

Friends old and new, some you may have forgotten, suddenly re-emerge in your life with the help of Facebook, an “app” with a serious case of OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder).  She lets me know who has a birthday coming up, changed phone numbers or moved.  I haven’t seen an “Obit” recently but that too may join the various and sundry miscellaneous announcements.

And we mustn’t forget the computer in its role as “weather person”; temperature today at 4 pm, weekend forecast...; I can even track weather patterns in Austin where my daughter and her brood live, or St Petersburg where I spend my winters.  Google got in the game this year, redesigning my Google screen page with pictures of birthday cakes, sparklers, etc wishing me a happy birthday.  Yes, it was my birthday that day!

I could go on, but the phone just informed me I have an appointment in 10 minutes to get my nails manicured, so I will sign off!

Before I go, I’d like to start collecting ideas from my friends, blog readers:  Tech-savvy seniors have the additional benefits of using technology to set up emergency contact information, find articles quickly on topics of note, and even have a short “visit” with a housebound friend.  Here are some other thoughts:

·       Figure out a way to include a temporarily sick friend to attend your book club via facebook.

·       Start compiling with friends a list of things you’d like to do if you could do it with others, sharing driving, making it social and not a chore.

·       ...now you can add more......

AGING IN PLACE: AGING IN PLACES

JULY 25, 2015 

Most of our ancestors grew old within the circle of their family, neighbors, friends and community.  Granny was often a fixture in her children’s homes, continuing to play a role in their lives and those of their grandkids.  Cook, babysitter, story teller, soother of a young child’s nighttime bad dreams.  When seniors living in extended family settings became less and less able manage independently, needing more support while able to provide less help, home care became overwhelming, often leaping from one crisis to the next.  A new variation to an old model began to emerge.   “Modern, tech-savvy, old age homes” staffed by paraprofessionals began to flourish.  Activities, recreation, socials, visiting artists and musicians, authors and newsmakers often provided an enriched experience. This allowed the aging generation to continue not only to sustain life, but to continue to participate, supported by paid staff, receiving visits from younger generations.  Safety, monitoring of health needs folded into musical, artistic and stimulating activities.  

Changes in health care research and treatment models fit this scenario well.  The elderly were living longer with the help of a growing body of medical knowledge and methodologies designed to support extended life spans.  So we began, many of us, to live considerably longer, with better preventive health care, new surgical, pharmaceutical and treatment options, allowing more of the “growing older crowd” to bypass the generic, medical-model of “old age homes.” In truth most were neither staffed enough to provide optimum healing, nor expected to bring their residents “back to independence”. 

One of the largest growing “businesses” in America has become the modified Nursing home, often named euphemistically “ Happy Harbors”, or “New Horizons”; “Heartlands” or “Sunshine Villages”: Places that are designed to allow you to “age in place”.  When designed and staffed well, they have become a valued alternative to living precariously alone in a multi-story home or confined to a “nursing home”.

Time and testing of models should help to frame a set of programs and policies that best meet changing needs.  Many reasonably healthy seniors push back against the idea of aging in “a strange place”; that will never be your home”. But if that place in fact becomes your home, encouraging maximum independence within a safe setting a new variation of our aging model can emerge.... I am calling it living in “safe” places.   So, I no longer live alone in a three story house, where a simple task of changing a light bulb may be the beginning of a downward slope toward broken bones, hospital care, adaptive devices such as walkers and crutches.  I live quite independently, cooking my meals, tidying up, driving on errands to shop, visit friends, eating in restaurants, enjoying movies and plays and concerts.  But if a light bulb goes out, I can call the maintenance staff member to change it. 

One way to look at this transition may be that while I was trying (and mostly succeeding) in aging in place, it feels empowering to continue that process by aging in different places:  an independent apartment setting in the summer, a more multi-aged condo apartment unit with no added services in the south for the winter.  For now, the balance is working.  For now, I am aging in many places, and beginning to feel centered and calm and balanced. 

recovery

to friends and followers:  Lots of "uppers" this week:  feeling well, with more energy than I can remember having for a long time.  loving my new downsized life style.  most important, starting to write again! here's the latest.  love comments.  

Recovery:  July 2015

The room grows quiet, the rustling of pages in our prayer book stilled

As we each rise and collect the threads of our prayer shawls around our fingers....

There is a stillness and quiet that settles us....we open ourselves up and invite into our sacred space the loved ones lost to illness, accident, old age..

I’ve changed over the past months, almost lost to a series of bacterial infections.

Memory, certainty of where I am within my space, within my life is slow to return.

I have to quiet those stray thoughts, quell the anxiety, let stillness fill the gaps, trusting that I will stay rooted in the moment, the place, the experience.

Many years ago while still in College, a few friends and I  would often engage in word play at our daily “commuter breakfasts”; I wrote the beginnings of a poem one day, or one of us did, and my memory of those words has suddenly returned:  “the mirror blinked blindly back at me this morning, containing not a me.” Not sure where it went from there, but it remains a teaser to me, especially now.

So I stop and look at my surroundings; furniture, books, paintings familiar but now inhabiting a new space.  I have “downsized”, moved a short distance from my old house into an apartment complex for those of us 55 and older.  I wake up most nights, knowing where I am, (no confusion here) but somehow certain that someone else is sharing the space with me; usually Ben, although sometimes I have been extra quiet so as not to awaken overnight guests; no one is present but me, yet it takes a few extra minutes to remember that I am the only one actually inhabiting the space; the others have most likely slipped into the tail end of a dream.