Aging and Ageism: Some
issues and questions
First the reality: we
are aging. The alternative is not an
option. So we find ourselves at yet
another developmental stage. Yes, we
have traveled that worn path from infancy to childhood, through adolescence; (not
an easy one!), to young adulthood and, for many of us, marriage and parenting
and working and exploring our world and ourselves.
Until our early sixties, aging was something our parents
did. We were there to help with the
occasional crisis, in many cases taking over the care and decisions for an
infirm parent widowed early. We often watched as their world shrank and trips
to the supermarket became a complex chore rather than a quick stop on the way home.
They had cared for us, now it was our turn to be caregiver, or at least care
manager.
The experience of living in our modern world has changed
dramatically in our lifetime. Medical advances in the identification, diagnosis
and treatment of countless diseases have been life extenders. Groundbreaking research in biomedicine and
the expansion of our worlds through new technologies that were unimaginable
only a generation ago has become standard, though expensive, options to early
death or disability.
We have moved from sharing a land line telephone with
another customer, (Remember the ‘party line?”), to being virtually connected at
all times and places. It has even
extended to having a chip implanted in our bodies to allow long distance
monitoring of heart rates and blood pressure.
Aging in today’s world looks markedly different than it did
for our parents and grandparents. In
addition to the changes in health care, a wide variety of “self-help” options
through exercise, dietary choices, yoga and Tai Chi act as both extenders to
our lives as well as providing enhancements, so we can feel and look
better. We have more stamina and the
ability to function independently longer.
Imagine:
- When our parents were our age, they were clearly old, or long gone. My father died at age 54, my mother at 74 and I’m pushing 73 (and trying to lift weights too!)
- Many of us, especially women, broke glass ceilings, faced and faced down education and work barriers that were rare in our parents’ generation.
- There are fewer role models to learn from as we age and many more choices and decisions to make. How long is it safe to live alone, or drive at night? Do I really have to stop all work, or can I continue to consult, or volunteer to work with children, or the homeless; chair a Board or begin to take classes in life long learning programs?
As we move into the last phases of our lives we are facing
an array of choices. Even taking the
vagaries of health and illness into account, we can find ways to affect our
outcomes. Are we beginning to face the
discrimination, the denigration of aging? Jokes about memory loss and aging,
even told by us, can feel demeaning.
Often Doctors or other health care professionals talk about us and our
symptoms and wishes with our children, ignoring our presence in the room. How does this make us feel? Irritated, diminished, angry, or
anxious? And what of preferential
treatment, such as senior discounts, a guaranteed seat on the bus or subway, a
wise sage turned to for advice?
Questions arise regularly as each of us manages this
transition. As you think of them,
remember how you have made other transitions.
They may act as a guide for you as you plan your future.
What drives your planning?
-With fear, a growing awareness of what you can’t do, rather
than what you can?
-Do you welcome this change with energy, enthusiasm,
excitement, wonderment?
- Does planning make you anxious and thus avoiding the very
idea of change?
Where do you fall on the independence vs. dependence scale?
- Do you feel entitled to receive preferential and deferential treatment? After all, you earned it, right?
- Do you feel grateful for the outstretched hand, or, protecting your independence, do you react like a toddler pulling away and saying “I can do it myself!”
- Are you continuing to contribute; to families, communities, societies?
- Are you keeping up with the latest health/dietary/safety options?
- Have you adapted to and adopted new ways of communication, like I phones and I Pads, texts and e-readers? Trust me, it may be complex and frustrating, but if you live far from family and grandchildren, a five minute ‘face time’ with them via computer or smart phone can make your day!Over the past few years, facing widowhood and illness, living alone and traveling I’ve learned to listen to my body, but let my mind and imagination and joy of learning grow unchained by fear of new experiences and opportunities. So I watch my step, hold onto banisters, eat reasonably healthy foods, while I explore art museums, mentor young children, finish crossword puzzles, learn about science, and health, and politics and poetry. I share my ideas with others, and I write. Happy graduation to a vibrant older you!
